Identities can get lost when you become a wife and mum, our friends remind us who we TRULY are

Identities can get lost when you become a wife and mum, our friends remind us who we TRULY are

- in Usa News

MODEL and actress Cara Delevingne recently talked about how much she values her friendship with Kendall Jenner and it got me thinking about the importance of our friends.

Cara said: “I had low expectations for friends in this industry because: a) I didn’t think people would want to be my friend, and b) I didn’t know if making friends through this process would be fickle or seem not real. So I was ­pleasantly surprised.”

Getty – Contributor

Cara Delevingne recently talked about how much she values her friendship with Kendall Jenner[/caption]

Apparently, Kendall and Cara’s relationship didn’t have an auspicious start. And that’s the same for several of mine.

I very nearly didn’t meet my best friend of 24 years when her husband — a complete stranger — approached me when I was alone and shopping in Tesco while heavily pregnant.

When he told me he was a neighbour and his wife was also pregnant, I thought he was a lunatic.

I smiled politely and tried to get away from him. But when we did eventually speak, Suzanne and I quickly became best friends.

We have both gone on to have a daughter and a son who were in the same classes at school.

But there is more to it than that. We both love interior design and our homes. Twenty years ago we would go to each other’s houses and rearrange furniture just for fun.

These days we are always at art shows and antique fairs.

We both love good food, so lunch or dinner is always on the cards, and we have been on holidays together to Hong Kong, New York and Dubai.

They say a friend is someone who knows all about you but still loves you and that is certainly true with Suzanne.

We speak every day. I would place my life in her hands and I know she wouldn’t let me down, and vice versa. She is the sister I never had.

My only complaint about her is that I invite her every weekend to come to football but she refuses — football is not her thing. You can’t have it all, I guess.


But what I have been reflecting on is how important friendship is in reminding us who we are beyond a wife and mother.

It’s all too easy for our identities to get lost with marriage and motherhood. The friendships I really value also serve the purpose of reminding me of who I truly am — and that is important for us all.

Evenings out and weekends away with girlfriends make better wives and mothers of us all. It’s good to keep a part of ­yourself separate and to be able to come back to the family home renewed and refreshed.

I’m not just talking about female friendship, by the way. Two of my best friends — Nigel and Phil — are men. They got married last year and I was best man.

They are the life and soul of the party, such great company and the most wonderful friends.

I am also still in contact with my oldest school friends.

Having said that, I’m not one of those people who needs loads of friends. My husband Paul and I have close pals who we go on holiday with and see at least once a month.


There is a couple we are very close to who are the parents of our son’s former girlfriend. The kids split up — but we kept the parents.

We meet new friends all the time and it’s important to our marriage that we have mutual friends.

But my recipe for a happy married life is to have your own mates, too — old friends, who remember you before you became who you are today.

Who you can say what you want to, and do what you want in front of, without fear of judgement.

Who you care about as much as you care about yourself. Who you will stand up for and who can lean on you when they need to.

The difference between a Facebook friend and a real friend is a real friend is someone who won’t judge you or gossip about you, and they know that you wouldn’t either.

It’s someone to whom you give genuine advice out of love — the same way a mother would advise their child.

And when you ask them if your bum looks big in that — you know you’ll get an honest answer.

Hair is a grey area

I’M all about honesty when it comes to women celebrating their age.

So I loved to hear Jennifer Aniston saying she’s fine about turning 50.

The Mega Agency

Jennifer Aniston turned 50 in February and has been embracing her age ever since[/caption]

But I couldn’t agree more with her about the fact that she doesn’t want her hair to go grey.

My problem is that my hair grows so quickly so I am forever spraying the roots, or brushing them with coloured powder in between visits to the hairdresser.

Anything rather than show the grey.

Feeling the peer pressure

I was up until the early hours on Wednesday, at the House of Lords.

The plan was for Conservative peers to mount what is being called a “full-on filibuster” against the bill blocking a No Deal Brexit, in a bid to show that when the accepted workings of the House of Commons are challenged we will make a stand.


Boris Johnson needs to keep No Deal on the table as a way of negotiating with the EU[/caption]

So us peers turned up with sleeping bags, pillows and toothbrushes, ready to stay as long as it took – which at one point was rumoured to be for 24 hours a day, into the weekend.

Lots of MPs came to the chamber to see the workings and no doubt boost the morale of those that were flagging – there are some quite elderly people in the Lords, you know.

There was a roster, and when I left the House in the wee hours I agreed to return at 7am.

I won’t lie, it was a colossal relief when I got a text at 1.47am saying a deal had been struck and the whip was off so there was no need to be back at 7am.

But if I was needed I would have been back in a shot.

I tell you all this mainly as a snapshot of what is happening behind the scenes during this truly extraordinary week in politics.

Who knows exactly what is going to happen next?

But one thing I do know is this: If we don’t have a No Deal Brexit on the table then what on Earth does Boris Johnson go back to Europe with, and what is their incentive to renegotiate?

There is only one way to bring Europe back to the table and that is to change the cards we are playing with.

We have to be able to say: “Unless you change your terms we are leaving with No Deal.”

It’s pretty straightforward and now that the country is better prepared we need to just get on with it.

Snakey Phillip Lee

I know some people applauded ex-minister Phillip Lee’s defection to the Lib Dems over Brexit, but while watching him cross the floor to sit with Jo Swinson’s pro-EU party, all I could think was that he is a snake.

He was elected based on the 2016 manifesto, centred on leaving the EU.

If he didn’t want that then he shouldn’t have stood as a Tory MP.


Cashmere bra gets my goat

I guess it should be no surprise that the cashmere bra Katie Holmes was pictured in sold out within an hour of the photo going viral.

She looked a million dollars in it. But seriously . . . a cashmere bra?

The Mega Agency

Katie Holmes looked incredible when she was pictured in a bra-digan[/caption]

Apparently, if you wear it under a cashmere cardigan it’s called a bra-digan but it is not a look you’ll ever catch me in.

I mean, maybe it would be fine if you are an A cup, which I am definitely not.

But regardless of how good it looks: 420 quid for a bra is just bonkers, isn’t it?

Responsibility for your own actions

I don’t agree with the judge who blamed the parents of a thug who chopped off a teenager’s hand with a machete for raising him in “squalor” to become an “angry man”.

Che Ambe, 21, savagely attacked 18-year-old Tyler Stevens after chasing him on a moped.

BPM Media

Che Ambe was found guilty of causing grievous bodily harm after he savagely attacked 18-year-old Tyler Stevens[/caption]

Ambe was jailed for 15 years after being found guilty of causing grievous bodily harm with intent for the attack in Abbots Langley, Herts, in February.

Judge Michael Kay slammed Ambe’s parents for the way he was brought up, but at the age of 21 people need to take responsibility for their actions.

Of course his parents have played a part in his evident lack of a moral compass.

But growing up in poverty is not an excuse to become a violent criminal.

And if the parents are to blame, where is the court case against them?

Penny’s a wise one

What a great decision by Penny Lancaster to “show kindness” to husband Rod Stewart’s exes – of which, let’s face it, there are many.

She said this week that she knew when she met Rod that her husband came with the baggage of his exes, but they’ve made the friendly relationship “work”.

Getty – Contributor

Penny Lancaster has said she will be kind to Rod Stewart’s numerous exes[/caption]

So she is kind to Rod’s former partners, as evidenced when the couple reunited with three of his old flames at daughter Kimberly’s 40th birthday bash.

This approach shows how secure Penny, is in Rod’s love and is so much better than the alternative.

As well as their two sons, Rod has six other children by four other women.

You always have to try to remain friends when there are kids involved.

Life is short, so better to live it with kindness than anger.

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